花樣年華
by BTS-ARMY
Summary: "There is happiness within sadness, beauty in regrets. But I wish I could cry in your stead...I can't bear to see your tears." A collection of RoChu one-shots with different AUs and themes. Inspired by BTS (Bangtan Boys) and includes "I need you", "run", "save me", "blood sweat & tears", "young forever", and "spring day". Ivan x Yao.


AN: The title, 花樣年華 (or 花样年华 in mandarin) translates into the prime time of one's life, or our youth (I like this one better lol). This is the album title for BTS's "The Most Beautiful Moment in Life" pt 1 and 2. Recently I got into BTS again, and their songs are just on constant replay in my house, so...I came up with a genius (ridiculous) idea of combining BTS with rochu. As much as I love their upbeat songs like "Fire" and "Dope", their angsty songs are absolutely heartbreaking.

Well every chapter will center on one song. Each chapter will be set in different AUs and have different themes (even the characters themselves will seem different). Some will be romance and others will be friendship...I'm thinking of police/prison AU for one of the stories, and a fantasy AU for another...and maybe one smut...but we'll see :P

The italicized words are lyrics from "I need you"

I don't own anything.

* * *

Yao was drenched in cold water. He didn't bother with taking off his clothes, or even turning off the tap, so he let himself be completely immersed in the bathtub with water overflowing. His tensed body eased into the emptiness, and his bloodshot eyes twitched. The once clear water turned murky from the red stains on his ripped jeans and t-shirt; he didn't remember where the blood came from. It could be his, or someone else's. It really didn't matter.

 _Fall…fall…fall…_

Bruises adorned his faces in hues of violet and sapphire, and dark circles resided beneath his blank eyes. Sleep ceased to visit him anymore, however he was grateful for the insomnia. It was too painful to dream…too painful to remember. Memories of him traced a gaping hole in his heart, and his chest contracted in anguish.

Trembling in ice water with wet clothes clinging persistently on his frail frame, Yao whimpered softly. Pathetic. He was pathetic beyond repair. Yet it was exactly in this miserable state of existence that he reflected on his time with him.

 _Because of you, I'm becoming ruined. I will stop…I don't want you anymore._

Tainted water continued to gush out of the tub, making its way like trails of river over the cracks in the tile floor. He wished he could dissolve into foams like the little mermaid in that fairytale, prayed that his heart could finally rest after beating for so long. Nineteen years, enough.

But sleep never came. His eyes gazed at the glaringly white wall in front of him, concentrating at the messy letters spray painted years ago. Y plus I equals forever young. The corner of his mouth tugged upward even though he stopped knowing how to smile. A droplet soaked of salt rolled down on his cheek, over the bruises and cuts. If he closed his eyes, he could still see him. The two of them fooling around in this very room, laughing and living like renegades… but when he opened his eyes, all he could see was the overflowing water.

Even though he was shivering from the cold, he sank even lower into deep water. The contact of water against his unhealed wounds stung, and Yao didn't wince in the slightest. Pain was all he had now, the only reminder that he was still alive. He didn't want it anymore. No, he didn't want anything anymore. Not him, not this life, not this pathetic existence.

 _But you're my everything…You're everything to me._

" _Get out of here."_

 _I'm sorry._

The icy water stole heat from every part of his skin, and he watched as it moved softly around his outstretched finger. Ripples resonated within the pool of tears, breaking the illusion of a dream. A distant memory. A forgotten promise.

Do you remember what you once said to me all those years ago? Yao asked silently to the wall. How long could he hold his breath under water? That was what he said while he gripped Yao's shoulders above water, his childish smile never leaving his face.

Let's find out.

It shackled his feet, and dragged him lower into the bottomless sea. Yao closed his eyes and submerged beneath the surface, the water rushed to consume him with gaping desire.

His head was pounding, and every cell in his body screamed for oxygen, yet he continued to drown.

Ivan Braginsky.

 _I'm sorry…_

 _(I hate you)_

 _I love you…_

 _(I hate you)_

 _Forgive me._

* * *

He stopped by the door, listening to the screaming voices coming behind those walls. Actually it was only one voice screaming, and Yao had long become accustomed to it. He wouldn't call him his father, since the only tie linking him with that disgusting man was blood. Resting his forehead on the rusted door, Yao hesitated for a long time. Why was he even coming home? This was never a home to him…but he couldn't leave his younger brother. Yes, that was the reason why he still came back.

The doorknob twisted reluctantly, and the smell of cigar and alcohol infiltrated his nostrils as soon as he entered the filthy apartment. Grimy roof with broken tiles welcomed him. Drifting dust danced in the lightless room, but he could still see the two figures in the kitchen. His eyes darkened.

The man beat down on the young boy with his bare fist, screaming at him, calling him what should never be said to a child. And Yao stood frozen on his spot. He hit his mother…he hit him…and now he was even lashing out on a twelve year old boy. His hands tightened into fists, his teeth gritted from the effort to remain silent. What a useless brother he was, he couldn't even protect him.

"D-don't touch him…" he whispered inaudibly. Anger and despair stormed inside of him, and quiet rage accumulated into flaming chaos. "Stop…it…"

But of course, neither of them noticed his presence.

Then something took over him. Whether it was years of repressed emotions or the betrayal of his most important person, or perhaps a combination of both, Yao's feet moved without his comprehension and his hand grabbed one of the empty bottles lying tauntingly over the table.

His steps echoed bitterly, and before Yao knew what was happening he knocked the glass bottle onto his father's head. The man fell backwards on the sink, and stared in disbelief at his son as he rubbed his temple. Yao took a step back and looked at him blankly. The bottle was now broken in his hand; its sharp edges glistened in the dark.

Where are you Ivan?

The room rested in silence, and Yao's world blurred into oblivion. The broken glass melted into flesh as he plunged it into the man's chest. Over and over again, he stabbed him with unconstrained rage using the strength he never thought he had. His skin was tearing to shreds as the sharp object was continuously rammed inside of him, the sound of his muscles and nerves being gouged grew louder every passing second.

Thick blood squirted out from the expanding pool of crimson, and as the man sunk to the ground, Yao panted heavily with a horrified expression on his face.

His shoulders trembled, and he wiped the blood on his hands over his jeans, desperately wanting all of this to be a nightmare.

"What have you done…" Kiku uttered despairingly at his deceased father and older brother who just became a murderer.

Paralyzing confusion spread through his body like icy, liquid metal. The bottle was dropped to the floor, shattering into millions of broken shards. Yao let out an animalistic cry as the scent of iron overcame the smell of liquor.

What was he suppose to do now? What was going to happen to him? To his brother? Peering down at his clothes covered in blood, Yao's head spun and his stomach threatened to revolt.

Please come back…Ivan….where was he?

Please Ivan…

* * *

 _Just tell me it wasn't love._

He could remember when they were happy together. Just the two of them against the world, two young men living in the shadows of society, running away from law and order, screaming and laughing like they were immortals. They poured cheap alcohol over the flaming bonfire, and Yao twirled like a deranged ballerina. Their laughter never stopped even after the fire burned out.

He could see them spraying the alleyways with paints, and Ivan's hand on his wrist as they ran away from the police. The siren chased after their fleeting silhouettes and scattering footsteps.

Now he walked alone down this lonely road.

This path he walked on led to no destination. Cars passed him, ignoring the wasted youth with bruises and wounds both visible and internal. Stones lodged inside of his battered shoes dug deeper into his soles, but he dragged his feet forward. He had to keep going, he had to find him…

 _Why am I in love alone? Why am I hurting alone?_

He never thought it was possible for him to trust someone so deeply and undoubtedly. His happiest moments were spend with him escaping from their broken reality. Ivan said they were going to live forever…Liar.

He left him. Abandoned him. Lied to him that he would never stray from his side.

 _Why do I keep needing you when I know I'll get hurt?_

They were stupid kids who kept running away from the truth and blinded themselves from the inevitable future. "I hate you…Ivan Braginsky…" Yao chuckled softly to himself. "Why did you lie….Vanya….why did you leave…"

Limply, he took one step after another. His body felt like dead weight, and his eyelids drooped in defeat. The scars from yesterday's fight were reopened and blood trickled down from the corner of his mouth.

If he had never known happiness, perhaps he would never have felt this aching emptiness. But even if it turned out to be a foolish mistake, he never…ever…regretted meeting him.

 _The sky is blue, and the sun is shining, so my tears are even more noticeable._

 _Why is it you? Why did it have to be you?_

The roads they walked down had diverged long ago, but he still stumbled after him. Even when he no longer stood by his side, Yao pleaded to the sky above to let him see him one more time.

 _Why can't I leave you?_

Dark spots appeared in his vision, and Yao knew he could no longer carry on. Very well, he was done with running. His eyes closed as he crumpled like a puppet suddenly released of its strings.

Cars whizzed past the motionless body, none stopped to save the dying boy.

And as Yao took his last breath, he let everything go. He could finally see his best friend again.

Ivan Braginsky,

 _I need you._

* * *

AN: I planned romance, but when I actually started writing, I changed my mind and made it into friendship. Bromance! T.T

I don't think I like how this one turned out...which is such a shame since "I need you" is my favorite song from them. *Sigh* I wish it was more angsty and better written :'x


End file.
